This Morning's Adventure: Changing Hard-to-reach Light Bulbs on My 2005 Honda CR-V

I put on my gloves and my hat this chilly morning to go to work on changing a brake light bulb and the license plate bulb for my 2005 Honda CR-V. I was planning to do this last weekend but the weather became quite rainy and I'd rather take a cold sunny morning than a gray and chilly afternoon for this sort of work.

Videos are Great for Teardowns!

A resource that exists today that didn't have all of the information that existed 9 years ago is Youtube. When I need to know how to take apart a part of my car, I refer to a video on youtube. There are many generous videos that help me to figure out how exactly many screws there are, and whether they are hidden by covers.

For instance, on my CR-V, the passenger-side rear light assembly is held in place by two hex-shaped screws and only the top has a cover which needs to be removed by a flat-head screwdriver. Then a philips head screwdriver can be used to remove the screw. The bottom screw requires closing the side-hinged rear gate most of the way in order to access the screw.

There are three plastic tabs which keep the assembly in place thereafter and, having seen that from the video, I also knew that I could apply a bit of force to get them to pop free from their anchor points. With the benefit of the teardown, I would not have known whether applying force would break anything. This is a key factor which holds me back from working on my own car: the fear that I will break it.

Trust But Verify

I did not have all of the correct bulbs. The brake light bulb is much larger than the tail light bulb (which are the ones that turn on whenever the headlights are on).

So this morning's adventure included a trip to the car parts store in search of the correct bulb.

I made two visits to the car parts store to get bulbs. One was about a week ago and I had the person at the desk look up the bulbs and that is how I ended up leaving without having all of the bulbs that I needed. I do not hold it against the gentleman from the car parts store. He did his honest best.

But that doesn't mean my time, and yours, has no value. So I suggest that you verify information yourself if you can. The car parts store used to have a guide book tethered near the light bulbs but that convention no longer exists in the age of the smartphone.

The new best way to verify that you have the correct bulb is to look it up on the bulb vendor's website. Most of the bulbs sold at the local car parts store are made by Sylvania. And though their site isn't mobile-ready, I was able to lookup the bulb listing for my car without too much trouble.

Old Faithful

My car is getting old now. It is a 2005 model which means it may have been in operation for as much as 12 years now. The odometer is nearly at 155k miles. I bought the vehicle with 17k miles.

The headlights are getting foggy. The exhaust is getting fumey. The suspension is getting creaky. Time is not kind to automobiles.

I don't have a solid system on how to determine what to fix (and more importantly what not to fix) given the age of the car. This is something I am working my way through, one decision at a time.

I am fighting my impulses to refresh my car. 150k miles was, at a point in time, my arbitrary limit for when I would part with a vehicle. By 150k for most makes, the easy maintenance years are behind you.

But every single change of automobiles costs money and time. And if I invest no energy into getting a newer car, then the course of action is to continue driving the one that I have and to spend the time making decisions on how to maintain it.

References

• Sylvania Auto Light Bulb Guide
• How to Change the Rear License Plate Bulb for 2002-2006 Honda-CRV
• Video: Honda CR-V Tail-light bulb replacement

There Is No #FollowTheSun When You're Fighting a Fever

I came home from work early Wednesday because I got those aching feelings in my lower back. The aching is a tell from my body. There is a disease to fight and we are buckling down for a long one.

Since Wednesday I have been awake at night as much as during the day. Sometimes because I'm drenched in sweat. Other times because I am freezing. And yet, other times because I am hungry or thirsty.

This was a bad one. When I awoke in discomfort because of body aches, I might eat, and then I'd microwave my hot pad, put it where my hips would be, lie down and plug into a chapter of an audio book.

Sometimes I'd forget to set the sleep timer on the audio book and it would wake me up later. That is the worst. Then you have to figure out how far to back yourself up to get to someplace in the story that you recognize.

Yesterday was Friday. I felt well enough to distract myself with TV or Video Games. But the internet went out and that pretty much meant it was going to be a video game that doesn't require network since the only TV I have is streaming.

I decided to re-play the Quest for Glory games by Sierra On-line. I recently bought them in a Humble Bundle set with some other games. And, when I went out to visit with my buddy Shirin, his youngest boy, Ismail, had reminded me of these gems because, it turns out, he is such a fan of these antiquated games that he had fashioned a cardboard rendition of Baba Yaga's hut.

Connecting back with the title theme of this post, I was up way beyond sunset playing games. I got to bed around 10pm per usual but this morning I awoke around 430am and you can bet I was on my phone a good bit.

Light and Screen discipline is hard to maintain when your body is in a full-on war with foreign invaders. Hopefully, I can resume my previous pattern beginning tonight without the odd waking up in the middle of the night.

It's tough right now. Sunrise is nearly 7AM and sunset is around 7pm. That means 4 hours where I am awake with no sunlight. Night time is easier... I get to chat with Liz.

I need better strategies for my mornings. Liz has been doing a morning priming routine that involves a walk outside each morning. I wouldn't mind starting with some fruit and a walk as well. Follow that with another bit of fruit and a workout.

Hopefully by the time I'm done with all of that, sun's up.

On Culture

Someone on the internet did something and now there's some chatter about something called "cultural appropriation".  So I'm going to do what I always do which is to look at the definitions of the two words, "cultural" and "appropriate" out of context and break it down.

Define: Culture

I gathered 6 definitions from two sources for Culture.  

Merriam Webster

Source: Culture | Definition of Culture by Merriam-Webster

• MW1: The beliefs, customs, arts, etc., of a particular society, group, place or time
• MW2: A particular society that has its own beliefs, ways of life, art, etc.
• MW3: A way of thinking, behaving, or working that exists in a place or organization (such as a business)

Dictionary.com

Source: Culture | Define Culture at Dictionary.com

• DC1: the quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in arts, letters, manners, scholarly pursuits, etc.
• DC4: development or improvement of the mind by education or training
• DC5: the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group

What Franco Notices

Culture: Broad and Narrow

As a guy who tends to philosophize, I prefer broad definitions for broad concepts and combinations of words for specific variants.  For example Culture is a broad concept which includes specific incidents of cultures such as 1960s hippie free love and sex-positive polyamorists.

Most recently, thanks to reading Clayton Christensen's, "How Will You Measure Your Life", I've begun thinking of "culture" in the broad sense as "how a certain people do a certain thing" and that's really close to MW3.  

I will scope analysis of culture to this unit: a "cultural behavior".  A specific and repeated instance of human behavior that occurs in specific contexts.  Here are example instances of "a cultural behavior":

• Software Engineer tend to performing code reviews before merging new source code.
• Government Contractors tend to collect three bids before making a purchase.
• Japanese people do not "plant" their chopsticks in their bowl of rice in a way that it would look like funerary incense.
• Soldiers keep a clean shaven face and short cropped hair.
• We don't go to bed angry.
• Practising gratitude first thing in the morning in a journal.

Culture Over Time

Over time a cultural behavior may become venerated and practiced as ceremony or tradition. Some practices are handed down from generation to generation and serve as a bridge across time for people of the present to connect with the people that came before them.

A cultural behavior can become so deeply habitual that the origin of the behavior is lost or diluted.  

For example, why in this modern age of information and science,  do we persist in blessing people after they sneeze?  I don't think any of us has illusions of being able to bestow health or blessings with our words or feelings.  Regardless, this is something that we do.

Also interesting and related is the word "Goodbye".  I recently heard a story by Neil DeGrasse Tyson on a podcast where he laid out the origins of Goodbye.  Once upon a time when the world was a more dangerous place, a person embarking on a journey would reach the town gates and the people they were leaving behind would bid them well.  "God be with ye" or "Goodbye" for short.

We can say the following about many long-running cultural behaviors:  We may not know how it started because it has changed hands too many times.  We just know that a lot of people have done it a certain way for a long time.

Culture: More or Less

Some cultural behaviors serve to habitualize and reinforce behaviors that are desired but difficult to acquire.  

Other cultural behaviors forbid behavior.  We call these "taboo".

Any area in which you have decided to implement a deeply ingrained culture is one that you are fixing in place for some amount of time.  This is important to remember if you are trying to innovate.  

Culture: Good and Bad

A cultural behavior can be good, bad, or neither.  But good and bad are terms that depend a lot on other questions:  for whom?  by what standard?

Whom: A cultural behavior can serve the individual performing the behavior in some case, or it can serve the community, or it can serve no one in particular.

By What Standard: Cultural behaviors, as with everything else, are judged good or bad within the context of an ethical system.  The same cultural behavior can be good and bad simultaneously when viewed from two conflicting ethical systems.  

When viewing a cultural behavior such as male circumcision, how would one judge whether it is good, bad, or neither?  Hard to say but we can survey the positions.

A modern judgment is that it is bad because it inflicts a permanent physical change on a child that has no say in the matter for no clear benefit and perhaps even some detriment.  Other positions hold that circumcision is good because it reduces transmission of certain STDs.

The entire discussion is controversial.  And the way the matter is settled for individual cases seems to be largely up to an emotional decision on the part of parents who have the final say.

Good or bad, the power of a cultural behavior to be continued over time after it has been established is noteworthy.  And any effort to try to change it will also create a new group of people resisting change.  

This seems like a good time to bring up the only two rules I've ever written about people and systems:

1. Franco's First Rule: There is nothing so permanent as a temporary solution.  Systems and cultural behaviors stick around longer than you would ever expect.
2. Franco's Second Rule: For every movement, there is a counter-movement.  For every effort at change, there is resistance.

They seem to describe perfectly the situation with long-running cultural behaviors and efforts to change them.  

I think I might want to add a third rule at some point.  Here's a candidate:  "Therefore, you can't really hope to change all other people... just decide how you're going to do it and enjoy your life."

Culture and Identity: Us and Them

Cultural practices have a powerful impact for how we see ourselves.

When I was a really young pup in college, I was working as a Desktop PC Tech for a government contractor and one of my users was a sweet woman with a thick German accent named Ingrid.  I recall one time suggesting that she throw something in the trash and she replied with earnest honesty, "I can't... I'm German".  

People desire to be significant.  And one way to instantly be significant is to be different.  On Krypton, Superman is just a dude named Kal who is the son of Jor.  But on Earth, Superman is a hero: Utterly unique!

We as humans can also be contrary creatures, and since we also desire validation and camaraderie, we need some people to connect with on being different.

The perfect storm is a the identity subculture.  Superficially, you can see the power of this in sports and what we buy.  

• Sports fans love wearing their official and overpriced team colors.  
• Apple fan-boys a can be found brandishing their new black iPhone 7 devices with Airpods or Beats headphones.
• Harley Davidson doctors, lawyers, and sales folk love getting dressed up in their patched leather jackets or vests and riding their chrome beasts.

I call these superficial because buying something and carrying it around is a low bar of admission.  If you have money, it doesn't take long to be "one of us".

Identity subculture is also a huge part of building strong online communities.  If you look at sites like Mr. Money Mustache, you can see that he offers his thoughts on doing things a certain way: being intelligently frugal and intentional about recognizing that new shiny versions of the things you already have don't make you any happier.  

...it turns out that when a person jumps to a new level of material convenience, he loses the ability to enjoy the things he previously thought were pretty neat. A cold Bud Light was once a true delight after a work day for the lottery winner, but after the win he quits the job and takes up high-end scotch, poured by a personal butler. Both serve the same purpose, and the pleasure is about the same. 

There is some hardcore truth here.  It takes only intentional use of a label to transform a way of doing things into an identity: Mustachianism.  For example:

...work is such an important part of human happiness, as a Mustachian you will work as quickly as possible to take the money component out of it...

Franky, It's brilliant.  And it establishes a clear divide between the people who are "mustachian" and those who are not.  It creates an "Us" and a "Them".  

The applicable principle seems to be that, "People like us do things in this way," is a powerful promise.  Truth.  And, I'm certain that is a Seth Godin verbatim.  

I have some pretty strong feelings on "Us vs. Them".  I think we can agree that it is seductive. But when is it good?  When is it bad?  The way I measure that is whether it makes an individual behave in a way that is more kind or more cruel.

Let's apply this to some examples:

• Mustachianism: positive.  People are going to try something out and it will either make them into better people or they will abandon the effort.  In either case, I think they will be happier and more interesting people for it.
• Harley Davidson / Apple fan-boy -ism: vaguely positive.  Ultimately this is a commercial decision and not really an identity subculture.  But it helps people to connect who otherwise wouldn't and that is a net good for the happiness of most people.  It can also be bad for those who become snobs (when it becomes more about "Them")
• Americans vs. Muslims: negative.  There *is* such a thing as a Muslim that believes in fundamental american liberty and there is a lot of Us vs. Them narrative that comes up every time a new attack hits the news.  Interestingly, the emphasis in this "Us vs. Them" is on "Them".

I guess a pattern that I see is that when the emphasis is more on your behavior and what possibilities it opens for you, it's likely to be positive.  And when it's about how other people should act, it's probably going to result in less kindness.

Being Intentional About Our Culture

We are in an age and in a free country where we get to choose our culture.  We get to choose the way we do things and see what kind of people we become when we do things a certain way.

When I ask most of my friends what it is they like about the relationship that they are in, a common answer is that they like who they, themselves, when they are around their partner.

This is how we can be with our cultural practices as well if we are intentional about what we practice.  If you've followed this blog for any amount of time you've seen me and Liz playing with different practices that impact our lifestyles and, ultimately, what kind of people we are.  

What kind of a world would it be if we all engaged in lifestyle experiments and documented them for others to see who we become while we're doing things differently?  Would we become a kinder and more open society?  Would we be more creative?  More infinitely varied?

There are things that hold us back that we don't even notice.  We have ideas about ourselves... labels... concern for what others might think.  But, I think that I love other people who are living the most vibrant and creative lives they can imagine for themselves.

So I want to offer you a few parting questions to rattle around your head and we will call an end to this marathon post:

Is there something you want to start or stop doing in your life that you've talked yourself out of because it doesn't fit your idea of who you are or you're worried about what others might think?  e.g. "if I did that I'd be [label X]" or "I would do that but I'm a [label Y] and we just don't do that".  

What if the labels didn't matter?

What if I just was who I was?

As I ask myself these questions I hear these ideas echo in all of my answers:

• We can look at the practices we employ in our life and add new ones or subtract ones that aren't serving us.
• If you, like me, shy away from identity subcultures, know that you can just try them on for a while... it doesn't have to be permanent.  
• We can try things just to try them.
• We can make our lives less one-dimensional by playing with the rules.

That's what I've got for today.  I will take up "appropriate" some other time. 

Keep writing what you notice.

Inverted Incentives: Homes and Mortgages

A person who can pay cash (or can make a hefty down-payment) for a house prefers lower lifetime cost for a home. This means that a situation of high interest rates and low home prices might be preferable to one of low interest rates since low interest rates and low home prices rarely coincide.

The current system of incentives, specifically the mortgage interest deduction, encourages people to prefer debt regardless of home price and, in fact, drives home prices higher.

Finished Seth Godin's Freelancer Course

Wednesday is read and sketch day.  But I took a liberal reading on the word "read" and decided to finish the Seth Godin Freelancer Udemy course I have listed on my NOW page.

I am now done!  Complete with certificate!  

Although really, I'm much more likely to hang my sketch practice on the refrigerator door than that certificate.  These are created from the little nuggets I snagged from the course material.

I've snapped them and uploaded them here for your benefit!

Resources

Seth Godin's Freelancer Course | Udemy

#FollowTheSun Update: Waking Up Later

Liz and I both agreed that we needed to get up a bit later starting last week because we both got hit with the same cold at the same time and the sun is rising after 0630 these days.  It's still quite dark during morning twilight.

For now, wake up time is at 0630, but we still do lights out at 2045 which means we have to use lamps after sunset until lights out.  Given that I often get home from work at 1900 or after, we need that time to get dinner together and eat it.

We switched the lamp next to Liz's side of the bed with something that produces softer light.  60-watt incandescents feel much too bright around lights-out time.  We keep the lamps on long enough to light some candles and for Liz to take care of her contact lenses.  

I've had a night or two where I am getting up in the middle of the night because we are sleeping with the windows open as much as we can and the allergens are coming to get me.  So I get up and blow my nose and sometimes I get to thinking about things and that keeps me up.  If I am desperate I cheat with the screens long enough to put on some audio that will help me to think less.  An audiobook or youtube does the trick.

Hunting around for things in the dark is a real challenge.  My memory for where things are is quite good.  I'll even remember the position of a glass of water on the dinner table if I sit down in the pitch black.  I surprise myself sometimes. 

That being said, there are times I simply haven't noted the location of something and I have to grope for it.  Like that one time I was groping on the drying mat next to the sink.  I groped and felt the rough shape of my chef's knife.  I moved it into the knife block and decided I better not grope around that drying mat anymore.  I can't even remember what I was after.

Another thing I have observed: Just forget about trying to figure out what color anything is until sunrise.  It's not happening unless you take it outside during the late part of morning twilight.

I have learned to keep my pajamas by the bedside.  It's still quite warm at lights-out and doesn't get cool until the middle of the night and I deal with this by shedding and adding layers.  

Layering: It's good for hiking and good for sleeping.

---

Photo Credit: 'Night-Shining' - Black Point, Anglesey | Taken: 1:11am, Jun… | Flickr

To Enroll People To Your Cause, Respect Them

I just had an interaction online with an author on Medium. It will be my last one with this author. His style of "discussion" is not for me.

The author is one I have had interactions with in the past and they have been mostly civil and optimistic. Increasingly, I notice that he's being more free with his words. And I dismissed it last time when he dismissed my ideas as "crazy talk". This time, I have more data points to notice a pattern.

As background, the author is writing because he would like to get people off of the sidelines and into the streets in support of Black Lives Matter. In his recent article, the author stated:

What I don’t get is how anyone who believes they’ll never be able to understand what it’s like to be black in America (I interpret that as “because I’m not black I’ll never truly understand, so why try”) can believe that the Black Lives Matter movement is making the plight of black people worse?

It sounded like a statement of honest inquiry. So, I wrote two replies: One about how there is no substitute for direct experience. And another relating my experience of initial and evolving reactions to the #BlackLivesMatter hashtag.

And it turns out that he wasn't interested in understanding such a perspective any better. Maybe he's frustrated, but he was also disrespectful in his reply and I decided that maybe we weren't people who could have a discussion after all.

What I notice is that he engaged in name-calling rather than to acknowledge that my sharing of what I notice may have some value as part of the discussion, even as he might disagree. I also noticed some assymetry. As pertains to his cause, he wants you to relate to his experience (i.e. "Understand what it's like to be black in America..."). But as pertaining to my experience, a quick glance at his reply suggests that he only wants me to understand his reasoning.

Empathy isn't a one-way street. Is it?

What sort of person expects your empathy but grants you none in return? Apparently, a person that also can't seem to talk about your perspective without also diminishing it at the same time. He called my words, "floating a turd" and included quips like "no shit". Is this respectful?

Now I have no problem with disagreement. But my minimum bar is respect for what I have to say. And if my interlocutor can't grant me that, our interchange does not qualify as a civil discussion.

Maybe he feels like blame and name-calling and false either-or dichotomies are the way to get people off the sidelines but I know nearly no one who will join a cause because a proponent of that movement was disrespectful to what they had to say.

What An Invitation Looks Like

How would I go about inviting people to come off the sidelines?

Look... You may not agree or even get what Black Lives Matter is about but we are on the streets to protest unequal handling by law enforcement. We may not know exactly what policies to propose, but if you joined us for a walk, we can at least show that we do not support the way things are now. And if you're there, fewer bad things may happen to us while we are out there. We don't want trouble, we just want the law to be applied equally to all. Can you walk with us?

That's it.

I wouldn't tell you what you ought to think or how you need to change yourself (or whether you're part of the problem because of what you say).

I'd tell you what I notice.

And if I wanted your help, I'd ask very specifically what kind of help and explain why it is needed.

As a person appealing to another person's humanity, I would muster every effort to be patient and calm. This would be hard. The situation is grossly unjust, which is a trigger issue for me. It makes me furious. My blood boils every time I think about it.

But my triggers are my responsibility even if they are not my fault. They are mine to notice and to figure out how to deal with because I am a grown-assed man and I take that seriously.

You Can't Influence Someone While Judging Them

The reason I shared my perspective with the author at all is that I think there are many people who would rise to a respectful and specific invitation. They won't do it because what you said made them feel guilty. They won't do it if they have concerns that a demonstration might turn into an uncontrolled mob.

They don't like feeling attacked and don't help those who seem to attack. They're not stupid and they're not unjust, so don't even suggest it.

I think a great many people who are not black do care and would help but they aren't exactly sure how, when, or where. These people need to be organized and lead by some calm, collected people who respect them and do the hard work to enroll them into the cause.

Their daily lives are important to them. Your cause is important to you. Yes your cause is also important to them because it's a universal principle, but that point is subtle and hard to get across. Respect that.

Everyone has their priorities and you're asking people to change it. RESPECT THAT.

Respect everyone.

And if you can't? Then expect people who care to stay on the sidelines. And console yourself with your name-calling and casting of aspersions. Those grapes were probably sour anyway.

References

The Reason You Can’t Understand What Black Americans Are Going Through

Project #Uke50ByHeart - First Update

When I updated my NOW page last week, I declared a new project to learn 50 songs on Ukulele and be able to play them from memory.  The tag for this was initially music and lyrics but I'm going to roll with #Uke50ByHeart.  

Breakdown of Tasks

The tasks involved include:

• Adding songs to my candidates list.  These can come from anywhere.  I grabbed a song from hold music the other day.  And another one from the Bookface.  Many will come from Beloff's Daily Ukulele book.
• Determining whether a suitable arrangement/key can be found that I am happy with, or rejecting candidate songs
• Creating my own tab/lyric sheets such as the one I made for "Make You Feel My Love (Adele)" by Bob Dylan.  This acts as my long-term storage for any mods I make on the song and is especially needed if I transpose the key to one that works with my vocal range.
• Learning the lyrics and then the instrumental.  Then figuring out how to merge these two, which is usually a bloody mess.

Lists and Accounting

I need to experiment with systems for ensuring sufficient practice and accountability for each song.  With that in mind, here is a quick sketch for what I will use to track progress.  The following stages will be identified for each song:

• Stage 1 - Candidate
• Stage 2 - Practice Components
• Stage 3 - Integrated Practice (vocals over ukulele)
• Stage 4 - Able to Play Through with Music Before Me
• Stage 5 - Able to Play Without Aids

Each week, to ensure practice coverage, I will assemble practice lists for songs in Stage 2 and 3.  I'll use these during the week.  

And then on Sundays (play day), I'll toggle between playing with/without for Stage 4 songs.

TBD: I will assemble a page on francisluong.com to give myself a collection-point for all of my lists and song progress.

Complete with bed-head! <3

An incomplete glimpse of what's cookin'.

Stage 4

• Halleleujah by Leonard Cohen
• I'll Never Fall In Love Again by Burt Bachrach
• Hey Jude by Lennon/McCartney
• With A Little Help from My Friends by Lennon/McCartney

Stage 2

• Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin
• Make You Feel My Love (Adele) by Bob Dylan

Project #CashMostly Update 8/2016

This morning I converted my phone and internet bills from credit card auto-pay to plain old online bill pay via my bank.  

In my recent travels to Portland, I used a money belt to carry cash so that I wouldn't have to hit strange ATMs.  I own the belt for international travel purposes but it works great for domestic travel if you like to carry an ATM with you.  I locked it in the hotel room safe while there.  Good time saver as well.

Credit card usage is now limited to the following:

• Online purchases and donations
• Travel
• Gasoline
• Whatever Liz charges (mostly groceries).

I hope Liz starts grabbing some of the excess cash I leave at home before going to the grocery store but I appreciate her getting things for us all the same so I'm not too picky about this.

My friend Karl is really baffled by this project but I am sticking with it.  Yes, it's inconvenient.  But the things you do habitually change your brain and I consider this detox.  It's about choosing to not pollute my brain with habit patterns that don't directly serve me or my community.  It's about being aware of the hidden cost of things that seem free.

Molded by Experiences Beyond The Comfort Zone

Last week, my brother's high school friend, Vinny came to the beach house to join my family for a surprise visit.  We grilled him and his girlfriend for a few hours on what it is like to live abroad.  We found that he has has a number of new perspectives on American waste and excess.   (Clearly, it's easier to see the culture that you come from when adopting the perspective of a bona-fide outsider living in a different culture.)

Vinny has come back from Europe with a keen interest in the quality of the food.  In Germany, they don't as much have to label things with "Organic" there because that's a given. Many members of my family were struck with how his experience living and working abroad seems to be having this effect of making him simultaneously more self-aware and more conscious about his choices in a very authentic way.  

The Vinny that partied so hard at the beach that he lost every other day to a hangover seems to be history.  Instead, I find that Vinny is further down the road to flourishing than I have ever seen him.  

And... Vinny didn't go to Germany looking for change.  He took an assignment from work... and then another assignment... one foot in front of the other.

It makes me reconsider the efforts we put into nagging and cajoling and reasoning with the people we love about how we should be and act.  Often, valid arguments are met with a person's resistance, but even when it doesn't result in a heated argument, I question whether the discussion results in deep and long-lasting change.  What if, instead of wasting a lot of energy thrashing we just enjoy our relations just as they are?

Looking at Vinny's trajectory, I am inspired to hope.  Long lasting personal change might best come from going into the world with an open-heart.  It might come best from living outside your comfort zone, whether by moving to a foreign country or by doing really unusual things in the town you grew up in.

Some of us burn in our hearts to make personal change and growth happen for ourselves.  And if we find ourselves to be stuck in place, maybe we just need to make room for unusual experiences outside our comfort zone to happen for a limited time and let our experiences have their way with us.  

Coffee with Tina - A #WDS2016 Story

It was Saturday morning in Portland, Oregon. I was on my way back to the hotel from a coffee run. As I was crossing the last street to my hotel, I made eye contact with a skinny homeless guy crossing the other way.

I thought it was a guy from a distance.

No… it wasn’t a guy. He was a she. And she was unkempt.

Long, stringy, unbrushed hair. Socks without shoes. One pant leg rolled higher than the other. Loose fitting Hawaiian shirt. Skin that had gotten a lot of sun. Lots of wrinkles. A welt forming from her left eyebrow. She was using a mop handle as an improvised walking stick.

She spoke up when we were mid cross-walk and said "I know you're in a rush but..."

She seemed earnest. I chose not to just shut her down. In the spirit of the weekend I chose to be kind, no matter how small the action.

Be Kind: The WDS2016 Challenge Coin

I invited her to come back out of the road and to tell me her story. She started with saying that she had a son, Skye, whom she desperately wanted to get back in touch with. It sounded like a rehearsed spiel. Lacking a bit of heart but the type of thing you say because people tend to help you more. (God, I'm so cynical.)

And then she said something about a box of voodoo donuts and a guy by the women's shelter and smoking bud… I didn't quite follow. It didn’t matter because she finished the next sentence with, "...I just want enough change to get a cup of coffee.”

I was already primed for that from buying coffee for a stranger as part of the #WDS2016 Hero’s Journey. "Coffee we can certainly do! Would you be willing to take a walk with me to the Starbucks?"

She said yes, so we crossed the street and walked together. I noticed a welt on her face that looked a few days old while we were talking and I and asked her what happened to her face.

She told me a story of intervening in an altercation outside the women's shelter. It sounded like she thought a woman was under threat, intervened, and was rather unexpectedly struck by the woman.

"...and I just want to know why she did that." She finished.

I told her that, “why” is an expensive question sometimes and that there may be no getting an answer. Still, there was something in that altercation that was very personal for her.

We crossed over to the corner where Starbucks is. She greeted the homeless guy sitting outside the Starbucks and rested her walking stick there between the newspaper dispensers.

I asked her if they'd give her a hard time for going in and she said no. So we walked in together and stood in line.

I asked, "Would you like a banana to go with your coffee?"

"Yes."

"Go ahead and grab one." And she grabbed one. I was glad. I figured she could probably use some good calories. Voodoo donuts are probably delicious and all but a banana seems sensible.

It occurred to me we didn't quite know one another's names.

"I'm Francis. What's your name?"

"I'm Tina." She replied and gently locked gazes for a moment. I looked her deeply in the eyes and studied her weathered face. Her skin was tan. Her wrinkles were deep. Her chin was hooked forward. I couldn’t tell what age she was.

The moment ended. We arrived at the register. She ordered her coffee and we didn't talk for the next moment or two. After paying, I glanced over my shoulder to see her standing at the espresso bar. There were tears in the corner of her eyes.

She was trying not to cry. I flipped through a quick sequence of thoughts: I hope it's not shame. It might be. Maybe it’s just good to be seen for a moment.

Maybe it's just hard to look people in the eye.

We were done paying. I invited Tina to take a few steps over to the place where we wait for drinks. She peeled and ate half of the banana. I stood sentinel nearby, her host and guardian for the next few moments.

Her drink arrived.

I asked Tina if she was walking back the way we had come, and she said, "Yes." I offered to walk with her and she accepted.

We stepped outside. She immediately turned to the right to cross the street leaving her walking stick behind. I ask her if she meant to leave it.

”He'll probably need protection." she said, referring to the homeless guy sitting against the newspaper machines.

We crossed and there was another homeless guy sitting on the corner verbalizing but not making clear words. She gently touched the back of his head as she continued on by. My hotel was to the left.

"Tina, I need to turn here!" And she continued onward and said “okay… goodbye!

We parted ways and I headed back to my hotel to get ready and head to my first day of #WDS2016 main stage presentations.

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Photo Credit: Starbucks | oh my. i discovered Double Choc Chip Fraps. need… | Flickr

Drip Coffee Doesn't Have Any Flavor... Unless

I'm in Portland Oregon this weekend to attend the World Domination Summit #WDS2016.

I'm going to admit an expectation that I had for Portland: "The coffee hipsters in Portland better know their shit."

Yesterday, I had a pour-over from Case Study after lunch and it was the first coffee I have had that met the expectation. (Yes! This is what I thought I would certainly find here!)

This morning, I popped over to Public Domain for a morning cup I was talked down from a pour-over to a drip coffee since they normally do a blend for drip and they were doing a single-origin drip this AM. I was skeptical and the lovely lady behind the counter offered me a taste.

It has been a long time since I had a cup of drip coffee that was mouth-wateringly tart with an aftertaste of blueberry. It's interesting that my skepticism against large batches of brew has arrived at the point that I no longer even expect it to be good.

So now I have to revise my story about Drip coffee. Drip coffee doesn't have any flavor unless you're at a local establishment that has it's own name on the bags of beans... That they are thoughtful about not brewing charred coffee... That the beans aren't ground far ahead of brewing... And that the brew hasn't sat too long.

At 615am on a week day... Public Domain's house drip does not disappoint.

The Day I Didn't Buy Magazines On My Porch

My brother has a "No Soliciting" sticker posted by the front door of his house.  I don't, but I do have a sticker that indicates how many pets the emergency crews might try to save if there was a fire: 0 dogs, 1 cat.

A "No Soliciting" sticker would be handy if I didn't want the doorbell to ring unexpectedly.  But then I wouldn't have a story like this one to tell.

It's Friday afternoon.  I'm making lunch at home.  Grass-fed burger a la Viet.  My default way of cooking meat, which involves generous helping of fish sauce and a smidgen of vinegar, and either honey or brown-sugar.  

I was in-between helpings... microwaving my rice and long-beans: the perfect bed for my Grass-fed burger.  I see this guy walk up to my door.  Dreadlocks and khakis are a rare combination so I decided in an instant that I was going to open the door when he rang the bell.

The bell rang and I swung the door open to a wide-eyed Dudeguy who was caught off guard.  

"Oh wow!  I wasn't expecting you to answer so quickly... my that smells good!" said the Dudeguy.  

I stepped outside.  It was hot out there so I stood in the shade and leaned against a post on the porch as we talked.  I prepared myself for a sales pitch with one twist... I wanted to hear him out and to see how he does what he does.  

You don't jump out of a plane without a parachute and you don't talk to a sales Dudeguy without picking all of your plays ahead of time.  I recommend it.  You will be immune to nearly all of the curve balls that will be thrown at you.  And believe me when I tell you, they're practiced.  They have run through this script hundreds of times and seen what has worked and what hasn't.  You're never ready for *everything* they have to throw at you.  

Here were my plays: No buying or donating anything no matter what anyone says.  You're here to observe and learn.  Quit when you're bored.

Hook and Build Rapport

"Would you agree..." he started, "that you can look up and read anything on your phone these days just by talking to it."  

I paused... a bit too long.  It was a trivial question designed to have nearly 100% agreement. The first hook.  It didn't suck.  "Yes," I said.  

"Alright... knuckle-up!" said Dudeguy offering me a fist-bump.

So far, he had gotten me to answer a question in agreement and to bump his fist.  These actions are designed to establish rapport.  And it is a really good thing to do when you're a sales Dudeguy coming in cold.  Look at how much we already agree on!!!

Dudeguy now moves to describe why he's talking to me on my porch on a hot day.  

He is going door-to-door selling magazines.  An absurd concept in today's age of everything at your fingertips.  His opening question was a well-designed acknowledgment of the absurdity of this entire situation.  And yet here we are.

He changes our flow with another question.  "Where did you go to college?"  

"Just down the street form here," I answered, wishing not to give away anything identifying about myself.

"How much would you say that college help you to have discipline?"

"I suspect that for most people college isn't where you learn discipline."

"I agree.  That why I'm out here.  I came from Michigan and I am here going door-to-door to sell magazines.  It's something I do to develop discipline and it helps me to support my son back home.  It's... (blah blah blah)".  Dudeguy pulls some papers from his back pocket and hands them to me.  He continues talking but I zone out while inspecting the small bundle of papers in a folder.  The first sheet describes who this man is and includes a full physical description of the person.  The second sheet has some description of points and magazine subscription sizes.  

The third sheet is a short list of people on honey-colored cardpaper.  The list is hand-written by a few different hands.  Each line has a name and a number of points and a comment.  One comment says that the sales person was well-spoken.

"...Oh you can have a look at that!  Those are your neighbors who decided to buy."  said Dudeguy.  This gentleman is here on a disciplined act to build himself, take care of his son, and he has social proof of acceptance from my own neighbors!  Actually, I don't know most of my neighbors so they could have been anyone from any town.  But maybe they start a fresh sheet each day.  

The pitch so far involves rapport, social proof of the local sort, and your impulse to be helpful toward someone who is trying to do something right.  

The Pull of Moral Gravity

The killer-combo of the pitch is what comes next.  Dudeguy knows that the last thing anyone in my neighborhood needs at any price is a magazine.  He knows no one is likely to pay for magazines on their porch for themselves.

An indirect approach is what is called for here.  A story is called for here.  A story about my own good deed for someone else who might really appreciate a magazine.

What he offers is a chance for me, the buyer, to be magnanimous:  If I don't need magazines myself, I can donate magazine subscriptions to a local hospital for veterans or burn victims or children.  They'll take care of all of the details.  All I have to do is write a check.

This is pretty smart, actually.  A geniune, crafty, curveball.  A LOT of people feel some amount of respect for veterans.  In fact, one might even say that there is a debt that can never be repaid for veterans.  And burn victims are just helpless poor souls.  Who wouldn't want to give them a break?

We often hear the term "moral highground" used to describe when a person occupies a position and makes an argument that has advantages given the cultural and moral ideas that are in fashion.  I think that term is close to describing the situation here but usually when we speak of the moral highground it's because someone is taking a swipe at someone else.  This isn't an attack, it's just a bit of manipulation.

We need a new term.  Let's call it, Moral Gravity.  Moral gravity when a position has a favorable moral positioning (because of the ideas that are already in your head about good and evil) for something they want you to do or stop doing.  Being on one side or the other of moral gravity is the difference between rolling a large stone downhill vs. uphill.  

Donating to veterans or victims has the benefit of moral gravity on its side.  Veterans and victims are easy to imagine.  We may not all imagine the same thing but we can picture something.  And they are easily placed in the category of being worthy of generosity for most people.

Most people would rather think of themselves as generous than stingy.  They like to think of themselves as altruistic rather than selfish.  Hello, Moral Gravity, my old friend!  And if I, as a person, haven't thought too hard about this, then I will tend to compensate for my usual pattern of self-interested behavior with poorly thought-out random acts that are specifically designed not to benefit myself.  Hello, altruism!  

But the devil of altruism is always in the detail of whether the act is a clear benefit to the my designated beneficiary.  And frankly, I don't have the time to give this a lot of thought on the porch.

And this is why you don't make decisions on your porch with some sales Dudeguy chewing on your ear.  (Frankly, this is why altruism is a trump-card of sales Dudeguy manipulation)

Three Parties Are Better Than Two

The person who created Dudeguy's pitch was smart to invoke the power of veterans and victims in hospitals as an easy-to-visualize beneficiary.  **And** he/she was also smart to make this a three-party transaction and to put themselves at the apex of the three parties.

• Uber is a three-party transaction: you, driver, uber.  
• AirBNB is a three-party transaction: you, homeowner, airbnb.
• Google is a three-party transaction: you, search-engine, advertiser.
• The examples go on:  Ebay, Visa/Mastercard, Facebook

The middle-man consistently makes a lot of money in these three-party transactions.

But here's where the final bit of genius is.  The sales pitch has been refined so that we now have three parties and good will toward each.  

Toward the sales Dudeguy, for doing what he can to be "disciplined" and take care of his little boy rather than "making trouble on the streets".  Why wouldn't you want to help him?

Toward the beneficiary, because of their service or victimhood.  Why wouldn't you want to help them?

Toward myself, most of all, for being generous and unselfish.  Why wouldn't you want to be this idea of yourself.

Everyone wins!  Right?

The Dudeguy was closing on me and so it was time to end this exchange.  

I told Dudeguy that I never buy or donate anything last-minute without planning for it.  And immediately, he started to extract and move on.  As he was backing off, I noticed the beads of sweat on his forehead.  I praised him for being out there in the heat trying to do what he was trying to do and offered to "knuckle-up" again for how awesome it was that he gets out there to do his thing.  But he wasn't interested anymore.  

I guess we had moved beyond the need for any rapport.

He moved quickly to chat up my neighbor, who had just arrived home.

Who Did You Say You Work For?

I didn't really get to ask the Dudeguy about his employer.  But I did remember a "D" and a "T" from the badge around his neck.  So when I went inside to eat the second helping of lunch, I punched in a search for "d t door to door".  What I found isn't very flattering.  

Yelp has review after review of confused and angry wondering aloud if they were suckered by "high-pressure" sales tactics.  Many of them report issuing stop-payment orders on their checks after doing the research.

The Atlantic has a troubling story entitled, "Trapped Into Selling Magazines Door-to-Door". It doesn't mention D&T by name but it describes a scenario which could easily be what this young man faces:

...Young was hundreds of miles from home, and she worried that if she failed to deliver, she wouldn’t earn enough to make it back to her kids. “If you sell too low or you’re a troublemaker, they’ll leave you,” she said. “And I ain’t got nothing.”

Young is one of tens of thousands of people working for door-to-door magazine crews, and the fear of being left behind is nearly universal. “I’ve been working on crews for three years, and I’ve been abandoned 11 times,” said Stephanie Dobbs, a mother of three who worked with another company, Young People Working, LLC, until being stranded in Cloverdale, Indiana, last month. “But I keep going back. I’ve got to do something to support my kids, and this is fast, easy cash if you’re a good seller.”

I'm not sure what conclusion to draw about this except to say that trying to provide direct help to people that you don't know can be complicated by exploitation and unintended consequences.  You just can't suspend your judgment and you have to have your own reasons for doing things.

As someone who has read Ayn Rand and did not find the ideas repellant, I can say that a person who represents their long-term self-interest will always have a clear story for why they are doing something.  And blind acts of hit-and-run helping of others don't pass muster.  

This doesn't mean that you have to forever swear off random acts of kindness.  

Even with my cold, calculating reason making all of the calls, there was one night on the way home that I encountered a person and his car pulled over just outside my neighborhood.  This person had a flat and no clear idea of how to deal with it.  

There was no risk of exploitation or unintended consequence this scenario.  The biggest risk was that I'd get hit by a car.  So I pulled over and gave up some sleep to lend a hand.  I walked him through each step of how to change his tire but I made him do all of the work so that next time he has a flat, he will have been through the steps at least once.

The thing about random acts of kindness is that helpful action may not be benign.  It's not always easy to get a clear idea of whether any action you can take will be help or harm.  Help your daughter to tie her shoes every time and you deny her the opportunity to practice her motor control.  

I think a good rule of thumb is to take no action to help unless you're clear about the help/harm balance.  Act responsibly, and always with with kindness.  Sometimes even act on impulse, but never at random.

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Photo Credits: 

• LOLcat fist bump | Skye Sant | Flickr
• Untitled | Daniel Oines | Flickr (triangles)

Cash-Mostly: Gas Stations Are Confirmed Cash-Unfriendly

This morning's experience getting gas involved me attempting to walk inside and asking if I could pay cash.  The cashier asked me how much I would like to buy.  I said I wanted to fill up and I don't know how much that is.  She said I'd have to either pre-pay a specific amount or leave my license with her.  

I decided that using credit-card is worth it in this case because the experience is clearly superior:

• You don't have to go inside twice
• You don't have to know exactly the amount you're going to buy

Maybe there are other gas stations that handle cash differently but I am disappointed with what I found this morning.  

A deep irony is that gas stations seem to be exactly the sort of place that gets targetted by people who steal credit card numbers and imprint them to other cards.  I'm not sure who fired the first shot but there seems to be an atmosphere of deep mistrust between consumer and gas station.

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Photo Credit: Car Fuel Tank | Dollar bills coming out of a car's fuel tank… | Flickr

Cultural Change is a Campaign, not a Single Battle

Culture is a consistent way of thinking and doing things.  When that way has become deeply ingrained in an organization, it may no longer entail thought.  It's just the way things are done.  This can be good and or bad depending on whether the culture aligns with reality.

Definition number 5 from Merriam-Webster covers culture as the broad concept:

5: 

a :  the integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behavior that depends upon the capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations

b :  the customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group; also :  the characteristic features of everyday existence (as diversions or a way of life) shared by people in a place or time <popular culture> <southern culture>

c :  the set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes an institution or organization <a corporate culture focused on the bottom line>

d :  the set of values, conventions, or social practices associated with a particular field, activity, or societal characteristic <studying the effect of computers on print culture><changing the culture of materialism will take time — Peggy O'Mara>

"Cultural change" is a term we use to describe any attempt to either start doing something in a certain way, or to stop doing something in a certain way.  It also refers to an attempt to change attitudes, though the ultimate goal is always to start or stop a behavior or outcome.

This is an article about an attitude that may help while trying to affect cultural change.  

If you have an interest in reading what I write at all, you're willful and tenacious and you tend to find your own way of doing things.  And it's not because you're trying to be different just to stand out: you choose the way that makes the most sense to you based on the integration of everything you think you know, plus a few things you want to take out for a test drive.  

Trying to convince other people to even try to do things a different way can be difficult.  Getting them to do it consistently is even harder.  And when an organization is suffering because the cultural practices have gone out of sync with the facts of reality, cultural change may be the difference between thriving and just getting by.  

Given the slow pace of change, you might feel frustrated.  And that's where this attitude will be most needed.  The mindset I want to share comes from Jocko Willink: Cultural change is not a single battle... it's a campaign.  

What is a campaign?  It's serial.  It's organized.  It has an objective or goal.

It's not one battle, it's a number of battles.  "Battle after battle."  And you're not going to win some of those battles.  

Seeing cultural change as a campaign gives you a place to stand when you take a step back and look at the whole situation when life hands you frustration or you lose a battle.  In a campaign you can regroup.  You can simplify.  You can remind yourself that the objective is worthy and important.  And then you can continue.

And when you step back, you can remember that you are an example of the change you want to see in this [group, organization, country, world, whatever].  You can find the strength to keep doing what you think is right no matter how few people seem to be climbing aboard.  You can summon your faith to trust people to notice and emulate the things which make sense and create positive change.  (More Jocko: "if you're doing the right things for the right reasons, that will spread.")

And when you step back, you can forget about blame and remember to lead.  And often the indirect way is the best because the direct often runs you right into a person's resistance.  Don't tell people how to be unless they ask.  And if they do, keep it short:  "This is what I do."

You can be the change you want to see.  You can act in the right way for the right reasons.  You can ask questions that lead people to clearer and simpler thinking.  

And you can step back and see that it's a sustained campaign.  The change will be slow and deep.  And whether or not it succeeds, it will worthwhile because you will have lived your values.

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Resources

• Culture | Definition of Culture by Merriam-Webster
• Jocko Podcast 22 - with Echo Charles | Mind Control - 1:28:05 – How to change the culture of a company.

The Tale of Apollo and Squirt

I heard a story yesterday from my friend, Apollo, about a time in his life when we was hired to coach a kid who was just starting out doing a tech support job. I will call the kid "Squirt".

Squirt was competent and reasonably honest but had a lot to learn about attitude and how to deliver good service. One day, following a call with a customer, Apollo walked Squirt back through the content of the call review how it went. During this chat, Squirt referred to the customer as, "such a douche" and Apollo had to set him straight. (In fact, Squirt was totally wrong in this case and the customer had a valid grievance)

Not long after, Squirt was picking Apollo's brain on how to go about asking the boss for a raise. Apollo, rather diplomatically, didn't say exactly what he was thinking. Instead he had cautioned Squirt that it was much too early. If Squirt was going to make a plea for more money, his case was pretty weak. While he might be able to make a claim on cost of living, he most certainly hadn't yet arrived at a point where he could justify a raise on merit.

Apollo asked what it was all about. As they discussed Squirt's cost of living, Apollo learned that Squirt had been living in an apartment with a deadbeat ex-girlfriend that had cheated on him and, in addition to not working, was not paying any part of the rent or living expenses. And she was seeing another man.

My sense of humor overtook my listening for a moment: I had interrupted Apollo's story to ask about Squirt's parents. Where were they in this picture? Did they deserve a punch to the face? I kind of imagined that they did.

But Apollo was pretty sure they didn't. Somewhere between Squirt's upbringing and this situation something went wrong. He said that Squirt had parents that were trying to give him the right advice but, for whatever reason, he couldn't quite hear them out.

How lucky for Squirt that he got a mentor like Apollo. How lucky that they talked about topics beyond the scope of the job. How lucky Apollo's advice found willing ears. Squirt ditched the ex-girlfriend, told the woman to have her new boyfriend pay for things. Squirt moved back in with his folks and that solved some of his problems on cost of living.

And that's the end of the tale of Apollo and Squirt. (Stories in life don't end with happily ever after. They are the beginnings of the next story arc.)

Two Things I Notice

One

Where do the young learn self-esteem? Where do they learn integrity? Where do they learn the value of hard work? If they are lucky, they have an Apollo to teach them, or families and friends that can still reach them.

Thank goodness for people like my buddy, Apollo. He helped Squirt to discover within himself his own capacity for integrity and humility.

I hate to think of anyone choosing the indignity of being a doormat to manipulative people, as Squirt was for his ex-girlfriend.

How is it that he never learned how to deal with these kinds of people?
Did he fear confrontation?
Did he fear destroying his self-image?

Two

How much time would it have saved if Squirt had been able to actually hear what his parents had to say? For whatever reason, families tend to develop some muscle-memory that prevents important discussions.

The story of an obviously bad relationship that no one can talk another person out of is a story that is surprisingly common and usually pretty boring. Why is this common in our culture?

Is there a way to practice tone/approach for families so that an emergency channel is available for those discussions that happen when it really matters?

I hope so.

The Hidden Costs of Things (Total Cost of Ownership)

Determining the total cost of any thing isn’t something that we, as human beings, are automatically good at being able to figure out.

At RailsConf 2012, Rich Hickey is recorded saying that:

Programmers know the benefits of everything and the tradeoffs of nothing.

This is a reconstruction of the Oscar Wilde quote but as applied to programmers.

Lord Darlington. What cynics you fellows are!
Cecil Graham: What’s a cynic?
Lord Darlington: A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Cecil Graham: And a sentimentalist, my dear Darlington, is a man who sees an absurd value in everything and doesn’t know the market price of any single thing.
Lord Darlington. You always amuse me, Cecil. You talk as if you were a man of experience.

• Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere’s Fan

As programmers, we do get excited by technology and conventions and ways of doing things. And we are really bad at considering the total cost of the things we put into practice.

Hickey’s talk is about simplicity and complexity... not prices and total cost. He describes complexity as things being interwoven and simplicity as things being independent of one another.

We are staring at some universal truths here: Total cost is harder to determine when things are interwoven.

What follows is a collection of vignettes (or drive-by-shootings if you prefer) on examples of hidden costs I notice when I look around at my life.

Credit Cards and Cash

Total Cost of Ownership is behind my reduced use of credit cards.

The 2-3% transaction fees are really hard to perceive. They are built into the prices of everything these days. Because it is built into the price, people who pay cash end up paying toward those expenses even when they use cash (exceptions go to those places that post a different price for cash transactions).

Part of the cost is also in habit-formation. Rewards programs want you to swipe as often as possible. And rarely do we stop and ask questions like these:

• Do I spend more carelessly with a credit card?
• Am I less able to notice how quickly the total grows?
• Is it easier to notice how quickly my wallet shrinks if I use cash instead?

And, finally, for those of us who use credit cards to borrow money. OH. MY. GOSH. Paying the finance charge each month is loss of money for no reason and if you don’t pay enough to reduce the principal balance, your debt will grow and compound.

Here is an attitude to internalize: You don’t have to borrow money from credit card companies. EVER. If you’re carrying a balance month-over-month, you can be certain that your life would be improved if you cut up your credit card and pay down the balance as quickly as possible.

Cash is simple. It is crude. And it will help you to manage your money better. And it will never become a compound debt.

Vehicles: High Price, Tendency to Rot, Maintenance Cost, Societal Cost

Vehicles rot when they sit there. They bake in the sun. The batteries die. Water separates from the gasoline and the tank may rust out. Tires may become warped from sitting too long.

The cost of a car (or motorcycle), especially any vehicle beyond a single car, is that you must operate it from time to time.

The total cost also includes paying insurance premiums, property tax, registration fees, and the costs to keep inspections current.

Depreciation is a cost we know well but spend a lot of time trying not to think about. It only matters when you try to sell the car so people who drive a vehicle until it is not maintainable have an advantage.

The cost to maintain roads and parking lots and to police the streets is a huge hidden cost that we don’t think about very often because it is something that is “provided” by the government. There are economic costs and ecological impact that are difficult to fully comprehend.

The Free Internet’s Costs: Time, Privacy, and Fraud Risk

Facebook.

Oh, Facebook. We spend so much time on you. We feed you. And you give us less and less and less.

We pay nothing for Facebook. So it seems like it’s free. But it takes enormous amounts of time and entails large-scale habit formation.

Like Google, they have gotten into the business of selling our attention in a very targeted way with an understanding of our likes and interest. Free isn’t free. It never was and never shall be. It’s either paid for by you or paid for by someone else. There are NO exceptions.

Google and Facebook are paid for by advertisers. Wikipedia is paid for by donations. Advertisers seek to modify your behavior for their profit. Which of these will do less harm to your long-term interests?

The question is whether you want to accept the trade when you consider the total cost.

Some free services from Google have also been phased out. You may spend a lot of time to adopt a free service only to find out that the service provider is not going to provide the service any longer. Free isn’t free. It never was and never shall be.

Mint.com offers you deeper insights into your finances. The price is "free" but they use your financial information to sell you financial products. It also requires a login to all of your online financial account so that they can acquire your monthly statements. Part of the total cost is your increased exposure to risk of having your accounts compromised by others.

Applying This Broad Mind to Everything

Getting yourself into a practice of seeing what is not easy to see is a hard trick. Not only are there hidden costs to things, there are hidden benefits.

Things That Have Hidden Layers of Cost

Really, just about anything we can look at has a hidden cost to it.

• Any kind of financing
• Gmail / Facebook / Blogs
• War
• Chinese Manufacturing
• Anything You Can Buy
• A Desk Job
• Eating Out
• Exercise or Sedentary Lifestyle
• Torrenting Copyrighted Materials

Types of Cost

• Price / Maintenance / Depreciation
• Habit formation (especially habits that don’t serve you)
• Time / Opportunity Cost
• Money
• Space (in your house)
• Presence
• Connection
• Awareness
• Capability
• Rot/Deterioriation
• Optionality
• Underpaid and Discouraged Artists

Types of Benefit

• Money
• Automation
• Skill Development
• Discipline / Practice
• Convenience
• Consistency / Uniformity / Standardization
• Insights and Analytics (think Mint.com)
• Novelty / Shiny New Things
• Opportunity to Connect/Reflect

To Really Hear People, Ask Them About Personal Experiences and Opinions

I have this really cool friend I know from dancing and keep in touch with via the BookFace.  She is a master at the open-ended question that gets everyone to answer.  I've never seen her equal.

The other day, she came out with a question aimed at "people of color".  Now normally, I don't readily subscribe to a label like that, but in this case, I decided to reply since I tend to participate in discussions on racism when they are sincere attempts at discussion.  And since I liked some of what I wrote I am reposting it here on my blog.

Here was my initial reply:

The only time I ever felt bad about how others treated me on race was elementary school, where all Asians were "Chinese". Some people think that once you know a person's race that's all you need to know about them. That's a long time ago now and though I don't feel upset when I encounter it these days, I do feel a bit of pity for how small the world is for some.

So... to feel heard better? Here's my answer (and if you're my friend, there's really no opportunity for improvement because I already get this from you)

Look at me as a person: an individual, not as a representative of any class, race, or group. I don't fit cleanly into any of those. Only boring people do. 

Continue to ask me questions as if there weren't any labels already attached to me. There are always more pleasant surprises to find.

Later in the thread, someone else posted a reply which brought up a question which is a peeve for a lot of people: "Where are you REALLY from?".  If you're not white, you've heard this one.  (Hell, maybe you hear it when you're a caucasoid as well).

I replied that I answer with:

I was born in America and I tend to answer "New York", when people ask me about country of origin. This usually leads down a path where I describe the country "my parents came from".

To which my friend further stated a possible motive for the peeve-inducing question and then asked my opinion on what ways I would suggest to ask about the larger topic: 

"I think the question people are trying to ask is if you identify with a longer family heritage other than just American. Most of my Asian friends are 1st, 2nd, or 3rd generation Americans which is a lot shorter time than me and, honestly, way more interesting. I have no idea how long my family has been here...

Is there a way that someone can ask about your heritage or family customs without making you feel like an outsider or like you are being put in a neat, stereotypical box?"

I wrote a lengthy reply which includes a list of questions that I would ask in order to inquire about the nature of a person's relationship to the culture they come from.  And I looked for a pattern among the questions.  The pattern was that that most of my questions take care to ask the inquiree about their own personal experiences with their culture and upbringing. 

Honest questions asked with an authentic desire for inquiry are usually pretty disarming. Especially if the inquiry is about the inquiree. So you have an advantage here that doesn't come naturally to a lot of people. That being said, I would dare to say this to everyone: 

There is no shame in asking questions if the intent is one of richer connection. Yes you might fail. You may give offense. But wouldn't you rather fail in trying than fail because you gave up?

All of that being said, let me warn you about "way more interesting". It's possible that a person's family history is more interesting to you than it is to them. The importance of family to them may be different than you expect. The advice I have here is to make no assumptions. Make as few assumptions about a person's relationship to the culture they come from as you would about what a person's religion might mean about their beliefs and habits.

If you wanted me to be more specific about what way a person could ask questions to explore interest, I guess I would ask these questions in this order (assuming I have a friendly relationship with a person such that they'd chat 1:1 with me):

- What's your family life like? Are you close now? Do you want to be?
- What was it like growing up with your parents? Were they strict? Supportive? Affectionate? Formal?
- How many siblings do you have? Did you get along?
- What are the biggest celebrations you remember having as a kid? What kind of food was involved? What did you like best about it? What didn't you like?
- What traditions do you want to keep from the way you grew up which most Americans don't do? What traditions do you think are kind of backward that you hope most Americans never start doing?
- What's the best advice your dad/mom ever gave you?
- What do you admire most about your parents? grandparents? 
- What values do you think are underrated in America (Canada)? What do we take for granted?
- What traditions have you taken on that are *NOT* from your culture/parents?
- etc...

I think you could ask these of any person of any color and you will have an interesting discussion. Though really, the person you're talking to might feel interviewed by the end unless you find a way to make a conversation of it.

I am noticing that most of my questions take care to ask the inquiree about their own personal experiences with and opinion about their culture and upbringing. And they are less about the inquirer's notions about what it's like to be [insert culture here]. (again... This is something you do rather naturally)

My questions also respect that there are always things to love and hate in any culture.

One last comment... my family is much more interesting to me now than when I was younger. So you might be surprised if you should ever revisit these questions with a close friend. For me personally, the story has changed as life and time have worked to wear down my many rough edges as a person. 

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Photo Credit: lost in thoughts... lost in prayers | Rajarshi Mitra | Flickr

Going #CashMostly and Easing up on Payment Card Use

In addition to my current efforts to experiment with my schedule by following the sun, I am experimenting with using cash more and reducing my usage of credit or debit payment cards.  This is something I started implementing immediately after writing Elizabeth Warren Illustrated How Power Corrupts Back in 2004.

I had gotten into a mindset of maxing out cash back rewards.  It's a strategy with few downsides.  I pay for nearly everything with a credit card which I pay off every month.  After writing the Warren piece, I had done a pretty good job of convincing myself that the credit card companies don't really have our best interests at heart so I made a decision to Change the Game for myself.

I have decided that I will no longer pursue credit card rewards and I will use my credit cards as little as possible.  And the end goals are two-fold:

1. The payment card industry will see reduced income from transaction fees (roughly 2-3% purchase price)
2. I will have a more physical sense of how quickly I am spending money.

To implement this, I am withdrawing the maximum amount the ATM permits: $500 per day.  I do this about 1-2 times per month.  I leave most of that at home and carry enough in my wallet so that I can purchase a cart at Target without charging it.  (Target is my largest spend on average.)

There are two exceptions I permit myself: Online shopping (or anything that requires a credit card, such as Lyft) and Gasoline purchases.  The online shopping is something I am cutting back on.  And using credit cards for gasoline is really just about a better user experience: I believe you still have to walk inside and pre-pay for gasoline and I don't really want to have to guess how much is the right amount.  

(I suppose it'd be good if I went and asked how it works next time I go fill 'er up.)

I don't expect this to put the payment card industry out of business.  That's not my goal.  

My goal is be more thoughtful about my choices.  

My goal is to question every incentive system I participate in.  (It's a key reason I don't play games like Pokemon Go.)

The question is: What habits have I formed and whom do they serve?  I'd rather we chose these for ourselves a bit more often.

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Photo Credit: Target Credit Card by Mike Mozard | Flickr

Voting Pro

Rights ought to be simple to explain, fundamental to living as a human among other humans, and applicable equally to all persons. They ought to describe the things you don't have to seek permission to do and the things one may never do to another.

And neither of the major parties gives a damn about them if you look at their actions rather than their rhetoric.

The simple kinds of rights: life, liberty, property aren't sexy. No one talks about them much. They don't slice people into voting blocs that take to the streets. They are a subtle sort of thing you only notice when they are absent.

A rare event in American elections occurs whenever you choose to vote for a candidate because that candidate most closely represents your values. The "pro" vote. Most of the time we get convinced that defeating a candidate is more important than who gets into office.

But consider who benefits by getting people to think that every election balances the nation on a knife's edge. Consider who gains when you put principle aside, time after time, to deal with each threat of disaster. And, looking back from a point years in the future, consider what would we give to have voted our values all along.

We can choose the game we are playing. And if we do, we can honestly tell ourselves, "this is not a problem I will struggle with. I'm playing the long game. I'm voting 'pro'."

References

Gary Johnson Makes Pitch to Burned Sanders Supporters