Affirming Your Inherent Worthiness By Turning a Question into a Statement

"I achieved X today. Is it enough?"

The answer will depend on your criteria. And if the answer isn't an obvious "yes", it's worth noting that the question is an anxiety inducer that doesn't entail any kind of decision. You might just as well be asking, "Do I have permission to feel good about my day?"

If you're asking, by the way, I'll grant you permission: the answer is "yes". (From whom exactly are we seeking permission anyway when we ask silly questions?)

You can always decide to feel good about your day by choosing your criteria. Here's an example: Any day above ground is a good day.

More importantly, you can choose the game that you are playing. A game I am fascinated with is turning useless questions of evaluation into a statement of assessment and inherent worthiness.

"I achieved X today. It is enough."

Sects and Violence

I want to talk today about what "Islam" means. I am not a muslim and I am a complete outsider. I see danger in some ideas associated with Islam and beauty in some of the ideas. I see people saying Islam is peace. And I see mobs and violence associated with it. And so I think it's long overdue to ask whether we are all referring to the same thing when we refer to "Islam".

From what I can see, Islam means peace to most Muslims I know. And to some Muslims, it means violence visited upon other people for various different reasons: some political, some moral, always opportunistic, and always justified by some grandiose vision (a story). And the latter part is a bit sticky since the spectacle and tragedy creates a more vivid impression in the mind than the many Muslim neighbors we know and work with.

Let's Talk About Sects, Baby

Let me tell you about a trick of the human mind. It is a tendency for non-Muslims to think about Islam as one enormous monolith with complete homogeneity of belief and action. But Muslims are 1.6 Billion+ in number. And the idea of one great Islam doesn't withstand scrutiny.

Every religious or philosophical movement has within it a manifold of sects. People just can't seem to agree on things. Take any belief system and you can break it down to subgroups based on the disagreements.

To provide specific examples, I have collected here an accounting of the major religions I could think of and their sub-sects scraped from Wikipedia:

• Chrisitanity: Catholic, Orthodox, Protestant, Evangelical,...
• Judaism: Rabinnic, Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, Humanistic,...
• Hinduism: Vaishnavism, Shaivism, Shaktism, Smartism,...
• Buddhism: Therevada, Mahayana, Vajrayana, Zen,...

And as for Islam? Sunni, Shia, Sufi, Salafi, Wahhabi,...

There are no incidents of complete uniform belief within any belief system. Humans are messy, sloppy creatures subject to entropy. Our brains are meat-machines driven by huge variations in chemistry. Fuzzy logic? check. Non-logical leaps? check. Context-dropping? check. Mistakes of thinking? check. Hormone-driven teenagers? check.

You know why clear thinking is beautiful when you hear it? Because it is rare. Reason is slow and requires discipline and it is always impressive to hear an idea that is simple and clear and true.

Aside: Beware of Mob Think

There is a sort of situation worth mentioning where uniformity does arise... where an idea can become so loud that it drowns out other ideas. When human beings are in a mob driven by fear and anger whipped into a frenzy, we have shown ourselves to be capable of frighteningly uniform non-thinking. The Rwandan genocide comes to mind. Nazi Germany comes to mind.

People are capable of their ugliest actions when they blindly react rather than stepping back and thinking about things rationally, and acting accordingly. And, in the case of Rwanda and Nazi Germany, both resulted in the creation of cultures that slaughtered unimaginable numbers.

Labels Fail Us

Back to the main point. The labels: Islam. Muslim.

There is a visual that Sam Harris mentioned in his chat with Neil Tyson about what a Christian imagines when they find out that a person can be painted with the term "Atheist":

they think they know a lot about you based on your admission that you are an atheist... It's almost like you're in a debate with someone and they draw the police crime scene outline of a dead body on the sidewalk and you just walk up and lie down in it... that you just conform perfectly to their expectations of how clueless you must be of their context.

Don't we do this with "Islam"... just a little? We imagine Islam as one thing. We imagine Muslims as one people who conform perfectly to some expectation.

The labels fail Muslims and the labels fail non-Muslims alike. The labels expose non-Muslims to the mistake of thinking in "Us vs. Them" terms with Muslims as the other. And the labels expose Muslims to taking a defensive posture where "We are under attack" by an unjust world who will not accept them. The labels expose Muslims to having their fear and frustrations manipulated.

But these are just stories and they are divisive ones. These are the ones that deliver us into the hands of Neo-fascists. And we don't want those hands anywhere near us so it's time to abandon these stories, which divide us.

Beyond Us Vs. Them

We need some new narratives to give us hope and something to strive for.

Instead of Us vs. Them... What if we just thought of this whole mess as a bunch of people with a bunch of mixed-up ideas and some of them are poison?

Rather than considering Islam as one set of ideas interpretable only one way, we can remember that ideas are subject to fashion trends. They are subject to trending upward or downward at any given point in time.

Here are ideas I would love to see trend upward:

• Non-Muslims reflect and realize that Muslims are our neighbors and friends and co-workers. Most of them want to live their lives and raise their families. We act accordingly. We love our neighbors.
• The world notices that Muslims have their versions of Goebbels and Hitler. And the world will need to put these tyrants down in exactly the same way: total war ending in unconditional surrender. This is the only way to defeat evil that has decided to wage war: Force met with overwhelming force.
• Muslims embrace freedom of speech and dissent by all, especially other Muslims, and Non-Muslims unilaterally choose to stop disrespecting Muhammad because it's nearly always a gimmicky cheap shot that is not doing anybody any good.
• Muslims come out in support of liberal values. We will support and encourage these people because they have right on their side. Further, we work to encourage the conservatives among Muslims to respect the rights of all human beings alike (male, female, gay, straight), just as we do with non-Muslim conservatives. Live and let live becomes the universal norm.
• "Islam means peace" becomes a statement of intention... a movement and a mantra owned by Muslims: they are defiant, vocal, and visible movement of the majority.
• Secularism: All people of all religions work to keep their religions separate from the state. There are no state religions. Just respect and protection of rights for all beliefs and creeds.

The only way we can do this is to see the bigger "Us". We, as humans, need to see Universal principles describing fundamental rights. In other words: the conditions under which we are able to live with one another.

We don't need to be innovators who must define fundamental rights for the first time. We have the shoulders of giants to stand on. But as I said, ideas are subject to fashion and we do have to keep these ideas trending upward. It's constant upkeep... yes. There is no magic bullet to make humans respect rights for all time.

But it's good work if you can get it. And as always... Discipline Equals Freedom.

To See People In Their Glory, Entrust Them with Important Tasks

If you are frustrated that people around you are irresponsible, you should try giving them responsibility for something important. Give it to them with the trust that they will see it through and full freedom to solve the problem. See what happens.

Maybe they will surprise you with an approach you hadn't considered. Be sure to leave room for yourself to be persuaded if their way will achieve the goal. It's important not to be prescriptive about specific solutions.

Assess any solution in terms of characteristics and requirements. Is it reliable? Is it succint? Is it easy or hard to deploy? Can we tell if everything is configured correctly?

By talking about requirements and characteristics, we can avoid prescribing specific solutions. This gives the person leading a task more creative control.

You're probably thinking that it's a good idea to define what these are before handing a task out. I agree.

One possible outcome is that the person will prove that they are not to be trusted with responsibility. I don't actually think this is very likely if they really have creative control. I find that when I actually take the time to talk to people, that they seem much more thoughtful than I would have guessed. I suppose that's a good reason to talk to people more often.

There are things that look like irresponsibility on the outside that are other things when you look under the hood. Maybe they are busy and have bitten off more than they can handle for a time. Maybe you have clarity on something because you have developed a way of thinking about it but you haven't shared this with anyone else. Be open to what you hear and don't always demand to understand why.

To see people in their glory, entrust people with things that are important. There will be things that are so important that you feel tempted to do it yourself rather than entrusting them to someone else. But if you ask another person to take up a task and help the other person to see that it is important, you may observe a level of engagement from them that you haven't seen in the past. It's possible that the people who seem irresponsible and apathetic are the ones who care the most but don't feel like they have something worth caring about to do.

Don't judge them for not having found the right place to apply themselves. Maybe that's your role on the team: to expose opportunities for people to lead.

This is an experiment. Think of it as a long term one.

The easiest way to feel impoverished and bored with life is to think that you have everything and everyone figured out. It doesn't take much to dispel yourself of this notion. You just need to let yourself start seeing again.

See people as they are and see them for their potentials too. And let them surprise you as they surprise themselves. You may find that the extent to which people have themselves figured out is less than you had guessed. And if you see that, it will be easier to think of the game you are playing as more similar to Golf than Tennis. It isn't one-on-one with a winner and a loser.

It's each person trying to do meaningful work just a bit better each time we do it. It's just us learning and growing and practicing... always.